What is bullying?

Many parents hesitate to use the word bullying — you do not want to exaggerate, and you hope it will pass. But your assessment matters: how the school is to act depends on what this actually is. Let us look at the definition, part by part.

There has been debate about the use of the word bullying, where some have argued that we should rather use the word “krenkelser” (offensive behaviour).

The debate revealed a resistance to the word bullying that we believe can be seen in connection with schools’ reluctance to acknowledge bullying problems. It has emerged that schools have instructed children to conceal bullying in Elevundersøkelsen (the national pupil survey). It is not unusual for parents themselves to shy away from saying the word bullying. Our experience is that schools which try to avoid the word bullying have a greater tendency to play the problem down, and can be unwilling to put the necessary measures in place.

Offensive behaviour and bullying are connected, but they are not the same thing. The bullying definition

Bullying is offensive behaviour repeated over time against a party in a weaker position

Let us look at the different parts of the definition: Bullying is offensive behaviour that is repeated over time, in addition to which it takes place against a party in a weaker position. Being in a weaker position need not be a matter of physical strength; it can for example be that the child is one against a group.

By establishing the extent and frequency of the offensive behaviour and the balance of power between the pupils, you can see whether what the child is being subjected to is bullying in line with the official definition. Some parents express relief when they see that the offensive behaviour the child has been subjected to can be defined as bullying.

Should you use the word bullying?

Even if you establish that the child is being bullied, it is not certain that you should use the word bullying actively:

• If you use the “soft” strategy, it can be easier to achieve cooperation if you talk about the school environment and about incidents, rather than using words such as bullying, bully and victim of bullying.

• If you use the formal strategy, you may well use the word bullying actively towards the school and other bodies. It can be useful to go through the bullying definition together with the school, and to establish agreement that the offensive behaviour the child has been subjected to is bullying in line with the official definition. That can help to reduce the playing down of the problem and get measures started.

Does it have to be bullying in order to demand change?

No, it is enough that the child is subjected to offensive behaviour. The revised section of the law against bullying, which was adopted in 2017, lays down in law a “zero tolerance for offensive behaviour”.

Read: Stop bullying