Reporting bullying can have dramatic consequences

This is one of the heaviest pages in the guide, and we would not have written it if it were not important. For most people it never becomes as difficult as what is described here — but knowing what may meet you leaves you better equipped.

Families who report bullying may in some cases experience the kind of situation that can hit whistleblowers. Most people want to see their school, local community and municipality in a positive light. The school, other parents, the municipality’s officials and politicians can have a tendency to play bullying down. If the problem is not acknowledged, the step can be a short one to placing the blame on the child who is being subjected to it and on the family. These mechanisms can contribute to families being isolated in the local community, while the problems for the child persist, and may even get worse.

For some families the consequences become so great that they change school, give up their job, sell their home and move. This is deeply unjust. For some, the experience is so powerful that they begin a years-long battle to succeed within the system.

We see this in far too many cases, and we cannot stress enough how difficult it can become to end up in the position of a whistleblower.

A tendency to blame the victim

We have seen many instances of families who fight against bullying being obstructed, isolated and stigmatised. It is deeply unjust, and very few believe it can happen until they possibly experience it themselves. The phenomenon is nevertheless so common that it has been given a name; it is called “victim-blaming”, or offerklandring in Norwegian.

How can it happen?

Research suggests that the more innocent the victim is, the stronger the tendency to blame the victim can be. In fact, our belief in a just society can make it difficult to accept that the victim may be entirely innocent. If we believe the world is just and that injustice does not strike us ourselves, that can contribute to weakening our empathy. See “Anti-transgender prejudice mediates the association of just world beliefs and victim blame attribution” and “The Psychology of Victim-Blaming”.

Who is more innocent than a 6-year-old who is barely bigger than the school bag and comes home broken after the school day?

We mention these mechanisms in an attempt to understand the problems families may experience, so that we can give advice that gives the fewest possible negative consequences for the child and the family. That does not mean that we accept that things are this way. We work actively for openness about bullying, so that playing the problem down and freezing people out becomes something that used to be.

Bullying is not a school-home conflict

Bullying cases are often described as a school-home conflict, but the word conflict presupposes that there is a balance of power between school and home. That is not the case in bullying cases. The school has responsibility for the child for large parts of the day, and has the presence, the competence and the authority to stop offensive behaviour when it happens. The parents are not present, and are physically prevented from protecting their child.

We know of cases where school staff have made the school day difficult for the children of parents who complain. That gives a feeling of vulnerability and helplessness.

For the family, the bullying can affect school hours, working hours and all leisure time. It can lead to worry, endless discussions, lack of sleep, sick leave and problems in the relationship. The school staff work on the case during their working hours, and can think about other things when they go home.

The imbalance of power between school and home can be illustrated by a legislative proposal from Djupdalutvalget (the Djupedal committee) in the official report NOU 2015:2. The committee proposed a separate provision prohibiting retaliation (chapter 15.15). This proposal was unfortunately not implemented when the legislation was changed in 2017, but it is telling that the committee saw the need for the prohibition.

The family is the weaker party in bullying cases. Read: When the case has gone too far