Your child needs your support as never before
Perhaps you are blaming yourself for not having seen it earlier. Let that feeling loosen its grip — children often hide bullying, particularly from those they love most. What counts is that you see it now.
Children who are bullied do not always ask for help or behave like a victim. It is natural to become sad, angry, frustrated and perhaps aggressive when life is difficult. That applies to children too. Think through how much pressure the child is under, and do your best to show support and understanding. Then help the child out of the difficult situation.
Bullying can crush self-confidence
When a child is subjected to bullying it can take time before it is discovered. Many children are reluctant to show their vulnerability to their parents, and to others around them. Many carry the heavy burden alone.
Sometimes the school chooses to point to problems in the child who is being bullied, rather than focusing on those who are bullying. That makes life even more difficult for the child, and can mean that the parents do not always understand what is really going on.
If the child is “difficult” at home, perhaps with negative behaviour towards siblings, parents and others they feel safe with, that can contribute to the child being subjected to further pressure and criticism.
When children are subjected to bullying they need the family’s whole and full support.
Some feel guilty for not having understood straight away what was going on. Let that feeling loosen its grip; the most important thing is that you see the child now, and support them 100%.
Our children do not always understand how much we love them, and how deeply we want to help. This can be a good moment to say it in plain words. When the child feels your full support, in the middle of the hardest battle of their life, it can create parent-child bonds that are valuable later in life.
Long-term effects
Children who bully can quickly forget the offensive behaviour they have subjected others to, while the one who was humiliated and violated can feel it for a long time. Sometimes for the rest of their life.
Hours, days and years can be spent reliving the offensive behaviour, brooding over it and feeling fear. Be patient, also after the bullying has come to an end. Give the child time to heal.
Seek professional help if it is necessary. There is, among other things, an offer of trauma treatment. Do contact your GP for advice, and for a referral to professional help if appropriate. You can also seek advice from BUP (child and adolescent mental health services).
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