When the child does not want to go to school
A child who cannot face school is not being defiant — it is a signal that should be taken seriously. At the same time, you should not have to fear a bekymringsmelding (a report of concern to the child welfare service) because you are protecting your child. Here is how to do it properly.
Skolevegring (school refusal) is a common and natural consequence of bullying. In Norway we have compulsory education, not compulsory school attendance. If the child is kept at home without the duty to receive education being met, it can be used against the family, for example by the school sending a bekymringsmelding to barnevernet (the child welfare service).
So should you always force the child to go to school? The answer is no. Children who are subjected to bullying may be in serious danger to their health, and the child’s own experience must be taken seriously. The child can receive teaching without being at school; after that, you must work towards a good and swift return to a school.
Get a sick note
If the child is kept at home and is not receiving teaching, we recommend contacting fastlegen (your GP) to obtain a “sick note” documenting that the child is at home because of a school environment that is harmful to health. This may be violence, threats, loneliness or other problems with the class environment.
Involving fastlegen is generally a good thing when children are subjected to bullying; we know of many cases where the doctor has become a valuable ally in keeping the child safe.
Cooperate with the school on teaching and return
When it is clear that the child will not - or should not - go to school, it is important to communicate with the school in order to arrange teaching at home. Teachers can come to the child’s home.
Then establish cooperation on a gradual return to the classroom.
A return of course presupposes that the school has resolved the environment problems that caused the school refusal.
Measures for milder school refusal
Where school refusal is milder, you can consider this advice:
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Resolve the offensive behaviour the child has been subjected to. If, for example, the bullying takes place on the school bus, you can arrange supervision, different travel times, an adult escort, collecting the child yourself and/or separate transport. In cases of violence and threats, the school can assign its own staff to accompany pupils who act out and in that way shield the child. You can demand that pupils who bully be moved. These are only examples; it is the school that is responsible for finding suitable measures to keep the child safe.
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As a parent you can be present at school for a limited period to keep the child safe. Agree this with the school. If you see offensive behaviour, alert the school staff so that they can intervene.
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An adult, such as a parent or grandparent, can act as a safety valve by being available and able to collect the child at short notice. Agree with the child that he or she can ring at any time, for any reason at all, and will be collected immediately.
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Let the child take a mobile phone to school.
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Send a message to the school saying that the child is bringing a mobile phone and must have it available in order to ring for help. Explain the bullying situation and the school refusal, and how the phone is to be a safety net so that the child can quickly get out of a situation that feels threatening. The aim is to keep the child safe, and for the child to return to school so that the duty to receive education is met.
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Ask the school not to take the phone away from the child if there should be problems with how it is used, but to raise any problems with the parents.
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Agree the use of the phone with the child. The phone can be set to silent during lessons so that it does not disturb the teaching. If other children are not allowed to use their mobile phones at school, it is important that the child does not use the phone for anything that is not permitted for others. The phone is there so that help can be reached quickly.
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If the child rings when adults would not consider the situation critical, it is wise not to criticise the child. Fear can often linger after the offensive behaviour has eased or stopped. When the child knows that help is only a keystroke away, she or he can gain the security needed to resume schooling.