Conducting the meeting
Here is advice on how to avoid the pitfalls and hold a good meeting with the school:
Aim Preparing for and conducting the meeting
Working together as a family If there are two parents, it is valuable to be able to work together. Prepare for the meeting together, and go into the meeting with a shared plan.
Prepare for the meeting Draw up an agenda. Note down in advance what is to be raised and what follow-up you want. If there are two of you, you can agree who says what, so that you appear united in the meeting. Have your arguments ready in advance. Practise being clear, while remaining factual and calm. That increases the likelihood of being taken seriously and of getting measures started.
Avoid losing your composure Never be unreasonable or threatening. It can weaken your own case and be used against the family. It can help to practise by saying the emotionally difficult things out loud beforehand.
Document the bullying Document the bullying in as much detail and as factually as possible. Bring documentation of the bullying with you. Bring the formal definition of bullying. Go through the offensive behaviour your child has been subjected to and get the school to accept that this is bullying. Get that acknowledgement into the minutes.
Consider making a recording You have the right to record meetings you take part in yourself. Try to arrange an open recording. The parent should become familiar with the phone’s recording function in advance, so that the recording is started quickly and easily.
If you make a covert recording, you can start the recording before you go into the meeting, and leave the phone easily accessible in a bag or a pocket.
See the separate chapter on tape recording.
Make sure there is follow-up Both the school and parents often find it uncomfortable to be confronted with bullying, and would like the problem to pass quickly. Bullying develops as negative behaviour over time, and a single conversation rarely gives a lasting solution. Many people are encouraged by the meeting with the school, but correspondingly disappointed when much of what was promised in the meeting fails to materialise afterwards. It is important to agree concrete follow-up of specific measures. Ask for feedback on when the matter has been raised with the families of the children who bully. Arrange frequent meetings/conversations throughout the period the measures are in place, and continue until the problem has been solved over time. Preferably 2-3 months after the problem was put right. Be patient and persistent in order to achieve lasting changes.
Agree concrete measures with concrete dates and concrete follow-up before the meeting ends.
The minutes Clarify explicitly in the meeting what is to be recorded in the minutes. Include the school’s acknowledgement of the bullying problem. Include concrete measures, with follow-up and concrete dates.